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Sex and fasting PART 1 & 2
As soon as I cleared out the dinner
table, I went
into the bedroom, not bothering to
goodnight to Kenny in the living
room. I knew
he was going to be coming to bed
enough. I needed him to think I was
fast asleep
by the time he came to bed. I
quickly got into
the bathroom and had a quick
shower before
climbing into bed...
I made sure I put on my long
pyjamas so there
was no way he could have easy
access to my
body. About an hour later when I
heard him
climb into bed and turn the other
way, I finally
let out the breath I was holding. I
managed to
escape the sex tonight...
By the time I woke up the next
morning, I knew
we were going to have another round
of noise
and fight and I quickly said a silent
prayer to
God for strength. I could feel his
hand roaming
round my body relentlessly and
there was no
doubt in my mind what the
expected end result
to be. I opened my eyes and took a
glimpse at
the clock on the wall. It was just
6.am. I turned
and removed his hands from my
body and tried
to get up only to be pulled back. By
the third
time of going through the same
motion, he
finally spoke up...
''Babe, what is the excuse today? It
has been 2
weeks for Christ sake. How am I
supposed to
be happy if you won't even have sex
with me?''
He said with obvious frustration in
his voice...
''So your happiness is now tied to
sex? You still
don't get it do you? I am doing this
for us. For
our home and our future. I told you
before I
started that this was going to
happen and you
agreed and now you want to make
me feel
guilty. Seriously I am confused...''
''Omololami, you know I am not
opposed to
prayer and fasting. I love God too
and I go to
church but you cannot honestly
expect me not
to have sex for the next 100 days
just because
you want to fast...''
I was so angry at that statement and
I flared
''Seriously Kenny, are you kidding me
now? What happened to self
control? This just
shows how far you have fallen from
the faith. Is
this not the same you that used to
fast with me
all the time before we got married?
So all that
spirituality was a lie? Did we not
court for two
years without sex? So you must have
cheating on me...''
''What? How can you say that? Are
you crazy?
How can you even compare both
scenarios? I
was single then now I am married.
Why did I
get married if I can't have sex...?''
''Oh so now I am a sex machine? You
me for the sex?'' I asked...
''You know what, I wont waste my
time having
this fruitless conversation with you.
I am
warning you for the last time. I wont
take this
your fasting bullshit and you will
learn to
respect me in this house. If this is
the rubbish
they are teaching you in church, I
will ban you
from going there...''
''You wont dare Kehinde Ayorinde.
You will not
dare. If I ever have to choose
between you and
my God, trust me, you will loose. It
is God first
and you second. That devil that is
trying to use
you, will not find a place...''
''Try me, Lola, just try me'' he said as
walked into the bathroom and
slammed the
I walked out of the room and went
into the
kitchen heartbroken. As I went about
Kenny's lunch that he usually takes
to work I
was so sad. I didn't understand
bitterness towards my relationship
with God. I
didn't expect to have these kind of
issues just
6 months after marriage. He knew
how much I
loved God and how much that
means to me and he was proving so
We even talked about this while we
courting and he used to tell me how
much he
loved my passion for God. We have
getting pregnant for the past 5
months and
nothing has happened and I knew I
needed to
tackle it in prayer before 5 months
turned to 15
years and I told him I decided to
join the 100
days fast in church. Initially, he had
agreed to
join me but 3 days after he
I didn't get offended. I decided to
do the
prayers myself, I just did not expect
him to be
so bitter about it. As I finished
packing his
lunch about 30 minutes later, Kenny
came out
fully dressed and just walked past
me without
picking up his food as usual. I
quickly ran after
him and caught up with him just as
he was
getting into his car...
''You didn't take your food'' I said.
''Take that rubbish food and get out
of my
sight. I don't want your food, now or
ever until
you learn to respect me and until
you decide
what is more important to you'' he
said and
slammed the door, driving away
while I stood
there mouth agape...
We had a lot of disagreements over
sex in the
last two weeks but I had never seen
Kenny so
bitter before. I knew there and then
I needed to
pray for my home. Casting out every
that suddenly possessed my
As soon as Kehinde left for work, I
decided to
take his matter to God in prayer. I
went on my
knees and was lost in prayer for the
next four
''Father, defend me in my marriage,
cast out
every demon that has possessed my
heart''. Proverbs 21:1 says, "The
king's heart is
in the hand of the lord, he turns it
way. Oh God turn my husband's
heart away
from sex and all things of the flesh
during these
100 days of fasting, in the name of
Towards the end of my prayer, I
suddenly got
an inspiration from the Holy Spirit
on what to
do next.
There was no point trying to tell
Kenny he could
not have sex with me, I only had to
use wisdom
to avoid it by doing things that will
not even get
him interested. So I decided not to
have my
bath the whole of that day. I knew
how much
Kenny liked me bathing and all
clean. By the
time he got home around 7pm that
day, I made
sure dinner was ready. I could not
have been
more wrong because another
argument ensued
as soon as he came in through the
''Madam, have you sorted out your
issues yet?''
he said.
''What issues Kenny? Please come
and have
your dinner''.
''Did you think I was joking? Did you
think not
taking your bath will work on me? Or
you did
you think I will not know you
enough to know
that not taking your bath is a tactic
to avoid
I was quite shocked and kind of
that he immediately realized what
my plan was.
''Kenny, please be understanding. I
need to
consecrate myself to God''. I resorted
begging instead.
''Lola, get it straight, I am not asking
you not to
fast. What is wrong with having sex
6pm that you break your fast and
midnight that
the next day starts? That is all I am
asking'' he
tried to negotiate.
''I am sorry Kenny, I don't believe
that is good
enough. I am supposed to be
consecrated for
100 days. Having sex during that
time just
makes me feel unclean''. I explained.
''What is unclean about sex between
and wife babe? It is totally biblical''
''See Kenny, you just need to be
patient. I have
just 85 days left and then we can go
back to
doing the dirty''.
''Let me tell you something Lola, this
is the last
time I will have this discussion with
you. If you
cannot find a way to balance your
and fasting, then you just might not
have a
marriage to come back to after your
100 days''.
''What do you mean by that Kenny?
God forbid
such confession?'' I said
Kenny left me standing there and
went into the
room. My surprise was complete
later that
night when he moved most of his
things to the
guest room. I was going to beg him
but I just
later decided it was for the best if
he stayed in
the guest room for the next 85 days.
This was
probably God's way of creating a
solution for
me. I went on my knees that night
and sang in
gratitude to God for making a way
for me where
I thought there was none.
By day 60 of my fasting and prayer, I
officially frustrated. The joy and
excitement I
got from fasting and prayer had
gone. Kenny
and I had become total strangers in
the house.
He had not eaten my food in over 6
weeks and
I was officially worried. He had
started coming
home quite late and we did not
even talk
anymore. Every time I tried to talk to
him, he
just shut me out. We both went to
work and
came back and went into separate
rooms. I did
not even know where to start from. I
knew for a
fact I had not done anything wrong
and was
just doing the best for our marriage
and I
wondered constantly why Kenny was
so blinded
by unreasonable rage. I wondered
where all the
promises of not going to bed in
anger went.
I finally reached the end of my rope
that week
when I got a text from him around
8pm saying,
''Don't wait up for me. I wont be
coming home
I could not believe my eyes and I
sent him a text saying,
'' Where are you? Why wont you
come home?''
His reply made me burst into tears.
ask the holy spirit to reveal it to you
in prayer''
My marriage is in trouble.

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